i was talking to someone i have known for years but only gotten close to recently. i explained, in brief, my flirtation with death and ovarian cancer. i just tonight realized that for him, i could easily be another name on the list of people he once kind of knew who died.
its been 5 years cancer free. it went from weekly testings to monthly to yearly. and only today did i start to contemplate how that feels. theres something particularly insulting to have the thing that makes you sexually female threaten to crap out and kill you. maybe i have hitherto unproclaimed issues stemming from this.
this time of year makes me feel strange.